tom cruise: original manic pixie dream adult man

overture

I want to talk about Tom Cruise. 

No, not like that. Or that.

I want to talk about his filmography. His body of work, if you will. His oeuvre, as it were. I want to talk about his impact on culture. Maybe I'll sometimes bring up his personal life but, frankly, that's unavoidable. Tom Cruise has been in the public eye for over forty years and part of being a star is, for better or worse, the public having an emotional investment in your work and in you as a person. He is, after all, our last great movie star (sorry, Leo and Brad, but Tom won the "asked my 80-something year old Catholic grandma about him" test).

Okay, I'm going to talk about more than just his movies. But, I can't help it! I'm obsessed with him. I am absolutely and unapologetically fascinated with this very rich and famous man who is old enough to be my father. And can anyone blame me? Not Rosie O’Donnell that’s for sure. He's been at the absolute top of Hollywood for going on forty years. He has only ever acted in theatrical movies. His filmography is banger after banger and even his rare shit movies still have redeeming qualities. He has never been turned down for a role he's wanted. The list of directors he has worked with would make even the least film-oriented person seethe with jealousy. He's a massive film geek who just happens to be one of the hottest actors to ever be hot. His good looks are a reminder in the age of instagram that someone can be ridiculously attractive even when their teeth aren't perfect veneers and their nose isn't surgically straight. He has refused to age at normal human speeds (which is standard for someone of his wealth and profession but, he turns 60 years old in July of this year and, even his once-attractive peers are starting to look old-leather-y). He's had more hair style changes than even I have and all of them are saved in a little folder on my phone titled 'GENDER'. He had adult braces in his 40s and managed to pull them off. He's a fashion icon associated with at least two styles of sunglasses. He is intrinsically linked to Americana as we know it. His face and mannerisms were the inspiration behind the animation of the titular character in the 1992 animated film Aladdin. He is a race car driver, stunt driver, motorcyclist, airplane pilot, helicopter pilot, diver, mountaineer, skydiver, and is so proficient at sleight-of-hand that it was used as a plot point in the first Mission: Impossible movie. Just his running style is so iconic that it’s called The Tom Cruise Movie Star Run whenever other actors are taught how to do it. He's had some incredibly high profile marriages (as would I if I attracted beautiful, statuesque women the way he does) and some more covert relationships (he dated Cher in 1985? She essentially was living with him at the time? They only broke up because he went off to shoot Top Gun and their schedules were too complicated to coordinate and it was harder to be long distance in those days? She has publicly said that of all her lovers, he is firmly in the top five? Help!). 

Despite his shroud of mystery and rampant, un-confirmable tabloid speculation that surrounds him, everyone who has ever worked with him has only the best things to say about him, even extras and non-actor staff on sets who are so often treated neutrally or like shit by stars. Even decades later, long after his coworkers are no longer being paid to like him for the sake of a press tour, his former coworkers only have the kindest words to say about him. And if you don't believe me, just see how many times Renée Zellweger has brought her love for him or Kirsten Dunst and Dakota and Elle Fanning doing the same. Maybe even listen to what Paul Thomas Anderson said in 2017, Adam Sandler's experience with him, what Lea Thompson said he did for her back in 1983, Kevin Pollack's experience on A Few Good Men, or just check out this whole podcast. Trust me.

Really, I had no choice in the matter. I was always going to end up like this. My mom loves Tom Cruise. He is her blorbo from movies. Her little meow meow. Her babygirl adult man. The Original. And knowing that she graduated high school as The Outsiders and Risky Business were released, well, she never stood a chance. As they say, he had her — and so many others — at, "Hello."

Love him or hate him, you cannot deny the power of Tom Cruise. He has that ineffable star quality. He is proof that charisma is the most powerful force on the planet. He was the chosen protégée of Paul Newman himself. He looks you in the eye and the whole world falls away (just ask Matt Damon). He remembers your name after meeting you once and you know he means it when he says how nice it was to meet you. He’s so magnetic that you could put Jesus Christ on a stage with Tom Cruise and the spotlight would somehow still be on Tom. If Tom Cruise is the Unstoppable Force I would bet real money that he would win against the proverbial Immovable Object. He is undeniable. No one has, is, or ever will, do it like him.

He is ubiquitous. Just for fun, I searched "tom cruise songs" on Spotify and there were so many songs titled or about Tom Cruise that I scrolled for a full (and timed) thirty seconds before reaching the end of the list. I would not be surprised if the only two people alive more famous than him are Oprah and Beyoncé. He is what I call Mask Famous — recognizable even while wearing a covid mask and sunglasses. Everyone has an opinion on Tom Cruise. Everyone is a little fascinated by Tom Cruise. 

Tom Cruise ran so all these modern short kings could crawl in his shadow. 

And yet, for all that he is our last great movie star, he's almost underrated as an actor. We, as a society, have had him to bring us quality entertainment on the big screen for so long that we have almost taken him for granted. It feels silly to say, especially about someone who is so wealthy and famous, but Tom Cruise doesn't get the respect and admiration he deserves as an actor, as a producer, as an entertainer.

You see, Tom Cruise loves movies. Of all the conjectures about his life, no one will ever be able to accuse him of not loving movies. And motorcycles. But mostly movies. The guy has such a passion and admiration for the craft that is evident in everything he does. It makes you want to care even a fraction as much about movies as he does. He makes you want to care about the process, the product, and the experience of movies, as an art form and a way to tell stories. He doesn't need to attach himself to auteur directors anymore because he is the auteur. He's The Acteur. So, for all his quirks (a word which is doing a lot of work), I can't help but love and respect Tom Cruise. I would be his wingman anytime [insert crowd booing while throwing tomatoes here].

So, here I am. After putting off idea after idea for a newsletter for years, I have finally committed to the most shallow of topics: talking about Tom Cruise and his impressive body of work as Top Gun: Maverick and the final Mission: Impossible movies roll out and Tom enters the next phase of his career (and, inshAllah, finally receives the recognition from The Academy et al. that his work so deserves).

If you haven't hit the subscribe button already, just do it. The only person you'll find more committed to a bit is, after all, Tom Cruise.